So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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