i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
And then my night got REAL pukey
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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