My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
