Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
