Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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