I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
