There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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