.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
