I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
