i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
