If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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