My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
