i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
