i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
