I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
