Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
As shirtless as possible
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
