eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
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