Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
