hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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