If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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