i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
