I got chris browned last night
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
