I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
