I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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