I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
