so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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