Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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