He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
no, he came in my armpit
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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