I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
