Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
