just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
