Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
