Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
