Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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