turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
