You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
