oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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