i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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