his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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