just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
