i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
