dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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