According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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