Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I am naked and annoyed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
