How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
