i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
