And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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