if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
