office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
