You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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